Day 1 of LDC (Love Dare Challenge)

The 1st day of the challenge was of course the most difficult for me. The challenge? Resolve to say nothing negative about your spouse today. (Eph. 4:2)

I'm sad to say it, but that's about as challenging for me as placing a bar of chocolate in front of me and telling me not to eat it. It can be completely irresistible and satisfying at times!

As in all relationships, there are differing views about how to do everything. The perfect example of this was the first big argument we had after getting married. The issue? Where to store the bread in the kitchen.

Yes, I'm serious.

How can that be an issue? Let me tell you...

I was raised putting bread in the bread box until that got converted into my mom's catch-all in the kitchen. Then the bread was moved to the microwave to be off the counter so it wasn't in the way of food prep. Brent was raised leaving the bread on the counter.

A few days into our marriage the bread storage became an issue. Brent was tired of taking out the bread every time he wanted to use the microwave, and I didn't like it sitting out on the small countertop. The fight ended with me in tears and us totally shocked and amazed at how the other was raised.

Back to the present now. The challenge for Day #1 was especially hard for me because of our differing views on how to discipline Train Lover.

I had resolved not to say anything negative to Brent that day, so instead of the usual demands from me to 'do it my way' or 'stop!', I kept my mouth shut and bit my tongue often. It was really difficult for me. But I noticed a change throughout the day. Brent's way of handling Train Lover became less mean (what I view his disciplining as) as the day progressed.

God gave me a tender mercy for biting my tongue all day. At the end of the day Brent came up to me looking a little bummed and he told me he didn't like how he had handled getting after Train Lover and said he was going to try and be better.

I was able to sleep that night with a little less sore tongue because of those words.

40 Day Love Dare Challenge

I miss blogging. It was fun and I was doing pretty good this year...till my life turned upside down with me trying to figure out how to juggle 2 kids with 5-6 hours of sleep every night (if I'm lucky). So here's me starting again because you can't start anything (or continue) till you take a step!


Have any of you seen the movie Fireproof? Though the acting is pretty terrible, I love the message the movie is sharing. The husband in the movie is trying to save his marriage with his wife by doing the "40 Day Love Dare Challenge" presented to him by his father. It shows the ups and downs and things he learns along the way while doing this.

I decided to take this challenge upon myself. No, Brent and I aren't struggling in our marriage. Don't worry about that. Pregnancy is long and doesn't leave you much time to be together with your spouse. After having Baby E, I was noticing more and more that Brent and I weren't as close and loving as I would have liked.

I watched the movie at night over the course of a few days while I was up nursing Baby E (watching movies is one of the only things I can do during the night to keep me up for those feedings). I decided to take the challenge on myself.

I didn't tell Brent. He'll find out when he reads the following posts to come in the next few days.

*Confession. I didn't do all 40 days. 40 days is a big commitment to make when you have a newborn. However, I did over half of the challenges and I learned a lot from them. And I haven't given up. I'm working on them when I can and repeating some of the challenges I've already done. I'd encourage anyone to do this to strengthen their marriage and love for their spouse. You can find many versions of it online and they're all great.

Train Lover vs. Baby E

Baby E is 6 weeks old and I'm amazed at the differences between him and his older brother already. I didn't think there would be many differences so soon, but there are.

Train Lover                                                  Baby E
- had lots of dark blond hair                        - has a lot of long, dark brown hair
- weighed 9 lbs. 8 oz.                                  - weighed 7 lbs. 1 oz.
- hated baths                                                - loves baths
- hated tummy time                                     - loves being on his tummy
- needed to be swaddled to sleep                - loves being free and calms himself
  and calm down                                            by touching his face
- would only nurse using a nipple               - nurses great most of the time (still working
  shield                                                           on not pinching me)
- normal tongue                                            - tongue tied and got a frenulectomy
- loved being rocked                                    - likes being still unless he can't calm down

I'm sure there will be more differences as the time passes. As different as these boys are, I love them both tremendously. They have brought me so much joy and happiness. I can't imagine life without them. I'm so glad I get to be a mommy for them!

Welcome Baby E!

Contractions started on April 1st around 10pm, only a few short hours after Brent had given me a blessing and told the baby to vacate the premises. I started timing the contractions using an app on the phone and called the birthing center after a few hours of consistent contractions to see if I needed to come in. They recommended I come in, so around 2am we drove the 20 minutes to get to the hospital. Thankfully my mom had flown in to help out so she stayed to watch Train Lover.

Once there a nurse checked me out and I was dilated to a 4. After determining I was still going to have a c-section, the nurses started getting me ready with an IV and taking some blood. A couple hours later I was wheeled to the OR while Brent stayed in the hall till they were ready to operate. I expected problems to happen like they did with the last delivery, and they did. The anesthesiologist giving me the spinal tap messed up and only half the drugs went in me. She had to give me an epidural as well, which I didn't find out about until after having the baby.

I was then strapped down to the table, my numb belly was prepped to be cut open, and the uncontrollable shaking started to happen. What a way to remember that would happen. You really do forget about the pain and unpleasantness of giving birth - the only reason people keep having babies.

The anesthesiologist started poking my arm and then my belly asking if I felt the same kind of poke/pain. I did. She was surprised and upped the drugs. This same thing repeated 3 or 4 more times. So I was very heavily drugged.

Once Brent joined me they started the operation. Thank goodness I was drugged and couldn't see anything with the curtain up. After a lot of  tugging and pressure...Baby E was born! Everyone in the OR commented on how much hair he had first. Then they held him up near me so I could see him before they took him to get checked. Brent went with to take pics and be with him.

The surgeon started putting my insides that were on my outsides back into my insides, haha. After a few minutes, pain started. I mean, PAIN. I felt them stitching me up. I said 'ouch' and once a nurse heard me and I told them I felt pain all hands working on me froze. I was then given a ton more drugs and then some meds in the IV to forget everything that was happening to me. Yeah...didn't work and I still felt a lot of pain. Again...I know I'll forget and want another baby again. Crazy huh?

After that I was taken to the recovery room where Brent was holding our little guy. I got to hold him and feed him and it was just amazing. Words can't describe the feelings moms have when holding their new baby in their arms.

I stayed in the hospital for 3 1/2 days where a lot of things happened. Recovery, breastfeeding, and trying to get some sleep when I could. Overall it was a good stay in the hospital, but I was sure glad to go home and be in my own environment again. We're doing good and I'm figuring out this having 2 kids thing one day at a time. I just have to say, I love being a mom.

Valentine's Day + Love Languages

Valentine's Day turned out differently then I thought it. But I'm grateful for it.

Brent and I made brunch together: pancake muffins and a breakfast casserole. Yummy!

While we cooked breakfast this little dude watched Cars, while holding all his cars.

Stopping to smell the roses carnations before eating.

We ended up going to a baptism late afternoon. It was announced last minute, so we weren't sure anyone from the branch would be there and we wanted to show our support. There was actually a good turn out since family from out of town was there.

Brent and I were going to cook our fancy dinner we got from Hyvee (which was disappointing when we cooked it the next day), but we were lazy and starving. So a heart shaped pizza and cookie dough from Papa Murphey's it was instead.

The pizza tasted amazing!

Our 'tent'

After putting the little one down for the night, we set up our campground! We decided to do an indoor camping thing for our Valentine date since 1) we didn't have money to go out and 2) we didn't have money to go out AND pay for a babysitter. Geesh. So expensive.

We set up our air mattress and sleeping bags and pillows. Then we created a fort using our kitchen chair and a quilt. Yes, this big pregnant woman managed to get that close to the ground and sleep through the night. I actually slept better on the air mattress and woke up only twice that night - a record as of the last month or so!

Brent and I were both tired and decided we were too lazy to make smores and play card games. So instead we did a few quizzes I had printed out a few weeks before. The first was a love language quiz. Our favorite marriage talk is from this guy, Dr. John L. Lund, called "For All Eternity". We've listened to it many times since being married and it is amazing! It has great advice on communication and how to better understand your spouse. We took the love language quiz when we were first married, but as we discovered taking it again, things have changed.

The different love languages are touch, verbal, and visual. I am a 12, 11, 4, which means I feel loved by touch (hugs, kisses, etc.) and verbal (talking, talking about plans and schedules, etc.) Brent on the other hand is a 5, 7, 15, which means he feels loved by visual (cleaning, acts of service, etc.). We both struggle feeling like the other one doesn't love us sometimes because I don't feel like I'm getting enough 'huggie-wuggie' and 'talkie-walkie', and Brent doesn't feel like he's getting enough 'doey-wooey'. We both talked about ways we can help each other and have resolved to think about the other's Love Language more.

We also took the Love Quest survey to remember what the other person's favorite things are. It should come in handy when trying to think about gifts!

Overall it was a good valentine's day. I'm glad I got to spend it with my loved ones :)

6 Blessings Challenge

Facing the start of a new year is a great time for reflection. Many events happened in our lives last year, whether great or small. Some events we would love to repeat, while others we hope to leave behind. I'm going to take Jason's challenge and share my 6 blessings from last year.

Jason F. Wright is one of my favorite authors. He's written many uplifting and inspiring books, including The Christmas Jars and The Wednesday Letters. I learn so much while reading his books. Each time I finish one, I work harder in my life to be a better person and bless the lives of others. He posted this article the other day about the 6 blessings he saw in his life.

Now here is my list:

1) I don't have cancer. Many of you didn't even know that I was facing that reality until just now. I started a new medicine for my Crohn's disease in the summer. I had horrible symptoms develop right away. The first was on the outside - severe acne. I have had little acne my whole life but almost overnight that changed and I had it all over my face. It was awful. But the worst was on the inside - swollen lymph nodes. One of the side effects of the medicine was developing lymphoma cancer. To make a long story short, my doctor told me to stop taking the medicine after only doing 4 treatments. After going to a dermatologist, an ear nose and throat doctor, and a new gastroenterologist, and having many tests done, to make a longer story even shorter - I don't have cancer. That is a huge blessing to me.

2) With that being said, I'm grateful for my eternal family. I love my husband dearly. I love my precious son. I am blessed to have them in my life. They are both happy and healthy. And they both love me and show it to me daily. What more could I ask for?

3) We now live in a wonderful new place with many opportunities for growth. We felt so claustrophobic and controlled in our last area. We couldn't dream while we were there. But now with a new state, school, community, and branch to attend the possibilities are endless. We love it here. I hope we can be here for many years to come.

4) I have been a mother for just over 1 year now! It is definitely life changing. I admit that at times I wish we had waited a little longer to become parents so we could have had more time together. And I sometimes miss all the freedom I had. But I wouldn't take it back for anything. My baby means everything to me. I've been blessed to have the cutest angel brought to my life. He loves everyone and everyone loves him. He's made many people happy by smiling at them, waving to them, flirting with them, and babbling to them. I know he's made many people's day. He is so full of charity and reminds me daily to love more and hate less. I am so proud to be his mother.

5) We lost some special friends this year. It was heart-breaking to lose them. From that experience I've been learning a lot. I've been learning not only to be more forgiving, but forgiving more quickly. I've been learning to think before I speak. I've learned that some things should never be spoken, no matter how right you are. I've been learning to enjoy the relationships I have now because they're precious and may not last forever.

6) I'm grateful for all the help we received. We wouldn't have made it without all of the help. We were blessed with jobs, money, random acts of kindness from strangers, help from family and friends, prayers, and more I'm not even aware of. The Lord was knowledgeable of us and our situations and provided angels to help us along the way.

What a great year 2013 was for me after all!

Thanks for the challenge Jason!

Love thy Neighbor

While reading the first 5 verses of Alma 32 I asked myself these questions: Do I cast out the poor? Do I judge those that look and act differently than me? Do I despise those that are at a different level than me? I answered my questions with the cold hard truth - yes.

I can come up with many excuses as to why I feel this way. Society, norms, genetics, my surroundings, news stories, rumors, wive's tales, jealousy...the list goes on and on. We are taught that the poor on the street 'deserve it' or 'must have done something awful to end up there'. We are taught that race, gender, age, sexual preferences, religion, and political views define a person as a person instead of just viewing them as an equal human being. We are taught to envy those that have more than us, but to always strive to have more and be more.

I am not proud to admit that I struggle to treat everyone kindly and with respect. I frustrate myself when I look at someone and judge them instantly without even knowing them, or trying to get to know them. I hate the thoughts I have that seem uncontrollable at times.

I want to change how I view others. I want to look at someone and think 'Wow, that's a very unique hairstyle. They must have an awesome personality!' or 'They are struggling. I wonder what hard trials they've had to face' or 'They are very successful. I could learn a lot from them'.

I thought of 3 ways to help me start seeing others differently. Here they are:

1) I need to have a perfect love for others, just as God has for us. I need to understand that we are ALL God's children. He loves each of us dearly. Just as we would not fault a child for tripping on accident and getting hurt, so would He not fault us for making a small mistake. He does not judge us wrongly because He knows us individually. He knows why the person cut someone off on the highway - to get to the hospital in time to say goodbye to a loved one. He knows why our boss yelled at us - because he's stressing over his wayward teenager. He knows why someone is quiet and reserved - because they are contemplating suicide. These are all made up scenarios, but we never know what someone is going through. We should all try to be more lenient and understanding of others.
I remember going to the temple once and praying to love others more. When I left, and for days to follow (if not weeks), I looked at everyone and loved them. I was more kind. I was more forgiving. I was less judgmental. I was more helpful. Imagine what this world could become if we strived to look at others through a different lens.

2) I need to view my own weaknesses and learn from them. I am not perfect and there is much about myself that is 'poor'. I'm poor in patience. I'm poor in getting somewhere on time; I can't even think about getting somewhere early. I'm poor in being happy with what I have. At times I'm poor in Spirit. Why do I feel it is okay to judge someone else when I know nothing of them? It reminds me of this Mormon Message:

Just as this woman learned, we all have weaknesses and areas in our life that need fixing. Others have them too.

3)  I need to serve others lovingly. I don't know about you, but it's easy for me to want to assist a cause and donate to faceless people. It's an easy way out but I can still feel good for helping. But what about the faces around me? What of the homeless man I pass on the street? Or the mother struggling to keep her kids calm at the store? Or the friend that needs the listening ear and the shoulder to cry on? These people need my aid. Don't get me wrong, the causes I assist and donate to need a lending hand as well. But the people I interact with in my day-to-day life need me just as much, and I'm here for them. Causes will not always find those in need. But I can. I can talk to the homeless man. I can distract the kids by playing peek-a-boo with them and making silly faces. I can offer a hug and a box of Puffs to my friend.

I know this list is small. There are so many things I can do to turn myself around. But this is a good start. Nothing in life can be accomplished until we take the first step. I know this is going to be a long process but I'm making a commitment to myself to change the way I view others. 

I hope that this confession of mine will inspire some of you to change as well. If you struggle with this, I hope you will join me in changing your views. We can do it! If you don't struggle with this, congratulations! You're a step farther than me. But I hope you will think of a personal weakness you have and make a goal to fix it. I also hope you will all be understanding of me just as I am trying to be understanding of others.